Forever Beat

She didn't have to do that. But everybody wondered if or when she would stop. She also, sometimes. "Whatever" - she thought. It was her scratches in the painting of her life, who else's? was she the painter? - again she wonders. She contributed a lot, at least. Oh she did. Boy, she was tough when she got convinced about doing it. It takea time for her to go through but once convinced none takes from her mind that pace straight and firmly forward!

Today she didn't cry but she missed it. Like from time to time. As necessary as big laughs are.

She wonders so much. What if this or that. And life goes in the same beat, with or without her wonderings. She lools at herself so much, she would be happier of she could stop by each of her daily colleagues and look more at them. But there is a hard door in the Slovak eyes. No worries, she won't give up. "It's just not the time"- she believes. And meanwhile, the beat still goes on. She hears the beat when she drowns herself into the bathtub. The beat becomes louder. It's just because it is quieter. The beat is screaming, actually. In normal conditions of a peaceful mind you can hear it craving for keep beating! Like the long lasting light of a dead star in the sky, fighting to reach somewhere to be caught, craving to survive. 

She laughs of the darkness. The same which embraces her at night, in tear or not, there it goes, the beat.