Two minutes

Most of my life the biggest theme was love. Understanding behaviours. Most of my time was dedicated to these matters. I wonder if that is what makes me so sensitive, or shouldn't I feel that sensitivity afterall?
We have one day lasting from 2012. The weather is so rainy and even so the heat spreads around.
I tried to gather all my broken plans for future and even that slices of plans left on the way, mainly at that times you are totally in love, totally careless.
Thats why tomorrow will be a good day. By the way, in 2 minutes...

Ano novo, dias raros

Gostaria de saber das experiência dos outros no ano novo. O que apraz cada ser neste momento, onde normalmente a família se reúne. Estou longe de entender essas reuniões em dias que para mim simbolizam nada além do que sempre mostram: singularidade. Sabendo-se que cada dia é singular, único, por que tornar alguns mais que outros? Isso, de certa forma, torna todos os outros menos agraciados, e viver, cotidianamente, entediante, salvo aos feriados! E se todo dia fosse percebido em sua magnitude? Seria mais saudável para nós, mas não para o sistema.
Enfim, eu gostaria de desfrutar o dia com toda a sua naturalidade, talvez num piquenique no parque. Dançar à noite num salão até o dia raiar. Ou, num hotel fazenda, andar a cavalo. Plantar várias árvores.

Worst than being with no one is to be with the wrong one

While I lay down here on my bed with an amount of my snowy cat's fur covering my black t-shirt I think about a quote I've heard. There is a quote said by someone on tv that caught my attention, she said: "worst than having no one is having the wrong one". Oh. This is very true. But what is wrong and right? True or false? Tricks of our heart, of a philosophical heart. A stupid one. -_-
I dont wanna spend my new year here in Brasilia. Oh no. Its always the same. The perfect place would be in anywhere outta here. I cant stand repeated events.

Intelecção

Como é possível um bom relacionamento com alguém se não estivermos nos relacionando bem com nosso próprio íntimo? Se os caminhos percorridos foram contraditórios com o que se esperava e mais ansiava. Sempre encontramos contrapesos para nossos defeitos. Se soubermos perdoar isso não se torna mais necessário. Perdoar não significa apagar da memória um considerado erro de si ou de outrem mas compreender como se deu esse possivel erro, quais as condições envolvidas para que ele ocorresse, o que o favorecia, quais os possíveis agentes além do "culpado". Os fatos observados com parcimônia vão desenhando uma realidade cada vez menos dramática. E, logo, vê-se uma concatenação de razōes cerceando aquele grande culpado, vil, em um ser humano tão frágil quanto podíamos ser e parcial ou totalmente vítima das condições. Ao menos tentar compreender faz parte do perdão e exercitar isto ajuda-nos a nos perdoarmos também, quando diante de algo que por ventura tenhamos feito. A busca pelo entendimento, é a busca pela intelecção, isto é, pela inteligência.

It is not a new year, it is the same great time of your life passing!

I know it is not yet the new year, but why should we start all good things we wanna do in the new year? New things are up only for new years? What about this old one, this great and good amount of years, days, minutes of my life? I own them all my regard and that's why there is no time to wait for giving thanks for all the days left in any day we pick up. I thank you, the time of my life, for still being alive and like a "live wire", acdc would say. ;) However, the way I have to thank about the time was given me is to reflect about it, to review it and find out the good lessons I took in every detail I can. Today and yesterday were a very though days, very hard ones. Even it is so usual the end of my unending relationship, every threat hurts too much. And wow.. there is still feelings to be hurt. A lot of, by the way. The situation is getting hard because we see no escape. We are always living between heaven and hell. Weird way of maintaining a relation. I think the big trouble is in me. I am a very stubborn, pain in the ass woman. Despite of how sweet I can become, the opposite is reached easily. It is just necessary to contradict me. Who do I think I am to think I have the right of feeling I am right all the time? To think my justice is beyond all. I am so sorry for having learn that to give up an argument is to be in a bad position. How could it be worst now? I have been acting blindly sometimes to impose my ideas and if only a comma was changed the ruins are about to come, the rage an fury is about to destroy your balance, because I wont let it come for granted. Oh God it is so nice to say I am sorry.. And nicer is the one who receive it with arms wide opened. How could a 30 yo woman change its heavy personality deep down in the kernel. Of course I am not fighting alone, and there are mistakes caused by him too.. But the ones I can change are under my own, this I can impose to improve, not the other. I require and appreciate so much the respect in humanity and I have not respected the human being. I am, however, glad cause there is no work for tomorrow nor all the next week. I got to get extra hours in the begging of the month to take this week. With no mention about vpn work. Gotta sleep...

Freedom fasten me

Sometimes it scares me how much I can get from a way to another. To jump between dimensions. Sometimes I feel as nothing could fasten me. But I know that what fasten me is what pulls me free. I love freedom and anything which tries to manipulate or controls me in anyway I will surely avoid. The much I can avoid and disappear is the same as I was feeling fastened. I have friends who leaves me so freely to be or not to be that I am always searching them.

A data

I felt so good seeing that big blue eyes again.. Despite all the rage for his disappearing moods I just forgot all my worries seing he again. When we are in love we just assume we are totally dumb and want keep being for jus having one of that moment of complete joy again. It feels so good..
Today is the Salmem birthday but as many or better all my birthdays he never said a "hi" wont say a word, besides i do care about today I will not show my appreciation. However here I leave the proof that I remembered and consciously i did nothing. This is bitter but is fair. How many birthdays I have passed without a greeting word of him? Nevermind!

Ches

I love chess.

Londrina surroundings

I came to Londrina yesterday just to get know people around here and be in silence. I need reflexion moments. The first good airplane trip I had was this one. Now I have a problem.. I was walking aroud here and found no commercial zone.. I expected it was mixed.. Thanks to the foursquare I found the goodies around here, a market place called Pátio San Miguel.. I am going there soon.

I am everything I need to be fine

I am damn sick and who cares? Me!

Facebook

She wont sit by my side to watch a movie with me. She is so sleepy.. Oh but she is been laid in her bedroom with her cellphone for a long time.. facebook.

Prudency

The most prudent people in actions the more it will be stupid in words. The most stupid in action will be the most prudent in words. So, when you find a very fuzzy man in his actions be sure we will be very delicated when talking to you. I am ao tired of attracting stupid men around me.. Could any have a good mind?

So hurt

There are happening which we cannot proof. If our word is not enough that is the time to think deeply if it worths. I never did so many struggles for someone as I did for my last bf. I never gave so much about my own to someone.. And, you know what? I did a mistake. Humans do not deserve such devotion. They cant live real live cause they dont believe real love exists. I am damn destroyed by all my beliefs in someone who really had nothing but sorrow to offer me. It was not and never will be love.

Humans

I have been needing to put the stuffs I have to remember in front of me.. This way I will probably have to put my dearest thoughts in front of me. Thats why I have always write, so they can keep alive. However, the need for writing never stood in front of me but surrounding me all the time...
There is an enormous difference between the intellectual and the poor one. The poor when is selfish destroys himself, living for his own pleasure he forgets to please people around. As we need people, if we don't treat well what we need this will be destroyed and so will us. Otherwise, when the selfish is an intellectual, he build its pleasure through giving people's pleasure, so he receives back much more than has given. I guess I hate human being. I guess I have no selfish thought. I wish I am not human.

My niece

To see my niece is amazing. To recognize in her moves my brothers moves mixed to my sister-in-law ones too. It is so cute see Julia laughing and playing, imitating the others, replying questions. She is gorgeous. I love her and I have no idea about how could she realize it. :-)

The end of the ends day

I dont hope to think about it another time. This time I hope is the last. Many tears for nothing. A big lie is what every single one mostly are. Now it started to rain just to wash all the tears I have so much spreaded in vain, tears for a love the was only in mu heart, for a man that is not real, for an illusion. How many more times will I fall into these traps. However, I feel stronger and ready to be fine.

Surviving

People just kid with themselves here in Brazil. We wait so long for having basic services as health care and financial bank' services. It seems we are walking damn slowly, blocked by our own system. Our culture is not raised for our well being but against us. When every single one tries to take advantage under the other this one thinks its doing good but when it is not for the social well being it has no meaning, as we need people around and the better we treat them the best we will be treated.

Freedom

I know she doesnt aprove my behavior as much I dont aprove hers. I know that the quantity of people who can get me is decreasing. I know I am leaving them conciously. As my spirit is such free that I cant feel myself tied to nothing even that thing bring me freedom.

The suns waves

The solar waves have been concerning me.. The cicle is about to be completed in 2013. Our energy resources will probably get damaged. So, what could we do is build capacitors. I hope the sun have some mercy for us.. The good human nature.