Two minutes

Most of my life the biggest theme was love. Understanding behaviours. Most of my time was dedicated to these matters. I wonder if that is what makes me so sensitive, or shouldn't I feel that sensitivity afterall?
We have one day lasting from 2012. The weather is so rainy and even so the heat spreads around.
I tried to gather all my broken plans for future and even that slices of plans left on the way, mainly at that times you are totally in love, totally careless.
Thats why tomorrow will be a good day. By the way, in 2 minutes...

Ano novo, dias raros

Gostaria de saber das experiência dos outros no ano novo. O que apraz cada ser neste momento, onde normalmente a família se reúne. Estou longe de entender essas reuniões em dias que para mim simbolizam nada além do que sempre mostram: singularidade. Sabendo-se que cada dia é singular, único, por que tornar alguns mais que outros? Isso, de certa forma, torna todos os outros menos agraciados, e viver, cotidianamente, entediante, salvo aos feriados! E se todo dia fosse percebido em sua magnitude? Seria mais saudável para nós, mas não para o sistema.
Enfim, eu gostaria de desfrutar o dia com toda a sua naturalidade, talvez num piquenique no parque. Dançar à noite num salão até o dia raiar. Ou, num hotel fazenda, andar a cavalo. Plantar várias árvores.

Worst than being with no one is to be with the wrong one

While I lay down here on my bed with an amount of my snowy cat's fur covering my black t-shirt I think about a quote I've heard. There is a quote said by someone on tv that caught my attention, she said: "worst than having no one is having the wrong one". Oh. This is very true. But what is wrong and right? True or false? Tricks of our heart, of a philosophical heart. A stupid one. -_-
I dont wanna spend my new year here in Brasilia. Oh no. Its always the same. The perfect place would be in anywhere outta here. I cant stand repeated events.

Intelecção

Como é possível um bom relacionamento com alguém se não estivermos nos relacionando bem com nosso próprio íntimo? Se os caminhos percorridos foram contraditórios com o que se esperava e mais ansiava. Sempre encontramos contrapesos para nossos defeitos. Se soubermos perdoar isso não se torna mais necessário. Perdoar não significa apagar da memória um considerado erro de si ou de outrem mas compreender como se deu esse possivel erro, quais as condições envolvidas para que ele ocorresse, o que o favorecia, quais os possíveis agentes além do "culpado". Os fatos observados com parcimônia vão desenhando uma realidade cada vez menos dramática. E, logo, vê-se uma concatenação de razōes cerceando aquele grande culpado, vil, em um ser humano tão frágil quanto podíamos ser e parcial ou totalmente vítima das condições. Ao menos tentar compreender faz parte do perdão e exercitar isto ajuda-nos a nos perdoarmos também, quando diante de algo que por ventura tenhamos feito. A busca pelo entendimento, é a busca pela intelecção, isto é, pela inteligência.

It is not a new year, it is the same great time of your life passing!

I know it is not yet the new year, but why should we start all good things we wanna do in the new year? New things are up only for new years? What about this old one, this great and good amount of years, days, minutes of my life? I own them all my regard and that's why there is no time to wait for giving thanks for all the days left in any day we pick up. I thank you, the time of my life, for still being alive and like a "live wire", acdc would say. ;) However, the way I have to thank about the time was given me is to reflect about it, to review it and find out the good lessons I took in every detail I can. Today and yesterday were a very though days, very hard ones. Even it is so usual the end of my unending relationship, every threat hurts too much. And wow.. there is still feelings to be hurt. A lot of, by the way. The situation is getting hard because we see no escape. We are always living between heaven and hell. Weird way of maintaining a relation. I think the big trouble is in me. I am a very stubborn, pain in the ass woman. Despite of how sweet I can become, the opposite is reached easily. It is just necessary to contradict me. Who do I think I am to think I have the right of feeling I am right all the time? To think my justice is beyond all. I am so sorry for having learn that to give up an argument is to be in a bad position. How could it be worst now? I have been acting blindly sometimes to impose my ideas and if only a comma was changed the ruins are about to come, the rage an fury is about to destroy your balance, because I wont let it come for granted. Oh God it is so nice to say I am sorry.. And nicer is the one who receive it with arms wide opened. How could a 30 yo woman change its heavy personality deep down in the kernel. Of course I am not fighting alone, and there are mistakes caused by him too.. But the ones I can change are under my own, this I can impose to improve, not the other. I require and appreciate so much the respect in humanity and I have not respected the human being. I am, however, glad cause there is no work for tomorrow nor all the next week. I got to get extra hours in the begging of the month to take this week. With no mention about vpn work. Gotta sleep...