Only fools rush in

Still the flame is there, stronger than anything he could dare. I know this path I can't go but there shall be always hope. I do Love you, my dear and I will be always with you, no matter what happens. You are my dear, 'cause you know... Only fools rush in.

Finally graduated

Finally I am now graduated. Oh I waited so long for this Day to come... Now it is funny that I am free for flying away, living in another county but I am tied by heart to stay. I am in Love and it fasten me here. So, I am figuring out about what to do in here...

How to lead with people?

A thousand of bad interpratations can be done as much as the conversation is not working. How to make a dialogue works? What is fundamental before arguing is to be quiet. If you are not quiet it is better to get out thhe conversation. Whenever you feel better or really calm, try to bring the matter back. Afterall ir has not ended and must be solved. However it is quite often to find many troubles hidden in a couple history. Men usually are not ready for long and emotional dialogs. Women, i other hand, are not used to lead with straight and minimal dialogs. For both it is good to improve with understanding about the other's weakness so, being compreensive is a good position alwyas even that behavio is damn avoided by you. Every behavior has an explanation. That must have too. And maybe it is not a bad one. Lets be positive. Indeed if it is proofed that the intentions were not very good raised it must be the time to calm down, take a step back and reach a good reflection. I am not so experienced in bad relations. It seems I have no skills to maintain a relation. Many of my relations were so painful and a emotional disaster. Why would I believe the next one will be exactly the opposite? For my well being I must but for my probability math there is no way out. 

Mi hermano

The only way of being with me was discovery by Hermano. He knew me so he couldnt show quite clearly his feelings nor pretend he was feeling nothing. He was always about to admit his love but never did. He was totally depedent on me but I could never fell really in charge. All the time we were about to have a strong relationship we alredy had. He knew how to keep me...

The end's day

That's ok. I had my chances to win and to loose. I won some new resources to improve a relationship and another ones to destroy it were attached to that ones I alredy had. They both can help, it depends on my focus. I cannot move foward this crazyness. Indeed I got no skills for living heauthly with people, at least the ones I have met. Anyway there is always a bright spot in the end of the tunel. I can see it clearly showing me the paradise which I am able to build. I can see a health relation. I know, I know I have phd in poisoning. I know how to spoil everything. I need to break down my psycho blocks. Would I someday? Day by day I disscover the much I need to grow and it seems I never reach the goal. Maybe the real goal is still reaching. After that, however, what I am gonna do? Today it is the day's end. I give up of all I have build with Reinald. No, this is the last time, finally. I hope I wont see his eyes again.

Somewhere over the rainbows

Straigh ahead from the world of tales and dreams, there she is: Liv Ishtar! A creature so naive and phylosophical that only dreams can afford! To put this girl in a world like Earth is to kill her. And step by step she is being hidden inside her own deeper and deeper. More and more it is harder to find her. She wont trust you, she wont believe in you. This world must be a lie so her dreams will become true. There is no man who can fullfill her desires and wishes, at least her single projections about an human being no one can reaches. What a disturbed girl she must be, so alone and sad. Guess someday I can satisfy her.

Dangerous blue eyes

If having blue eyes is a very good begining to catch my attention, imagine how far it would go if the guy acts like me father. This is all about me, this blocked feeling that lives with me since my father left me and as he doesnt return it only grows or keeps strongger and strongger.

How big it was

In a day like today when you simply know how much you wish to be next someone and how far this one is from you not just physically but mainly psycologically, nothing can help how blank it feels inside. We are miles away. So far that I wonder if someday we were really close at least once. There should not be more considerings about being next. I faced his rage so many times, his pride. Since I perceived his willing of being apart, today I realize there is nothing to fight for, nothing to care about. Pitifully my great feeling is just gone even so there stills the need to wish a good bye. Look how big it was!

Loliness

Worst than having no father is having no mother. Worst than having no one to acomplish you is having no friend to have the best wishes for you. I have been facing moments like that since my few greatest friends have accepted the physical distance we have as a personal distance too. Thus, some moments in my life I have been finding myself totally on my own. Mainly now that I am feeling an incredible deceiving for mom.
   Since childhood I had problems in measuring time and space. Furthermore, many social conceptions too. I grew up with the rising of the virtual age. I learnt how it is to become virtual and indeed I feel more virtual than real yet nowadays. All the abstraction given by the virtual age just fed me perfectly in my psychological goals. I needed to be and I was all the persons I wished to be until discover my real behavior, my beliefs and conceptions. Maybe for being so discussed and reflected, my social conceptions became weird and avoided people more and more. However, I believe that a society is a group of people which can respect each other's behavior considering that it is not ofensive to the other or can be taken like that. So, I have scarcely met a society.
   I have brought to my own sort of the same requiriments I build to accept people in my circle of life then sometimes I feel I am damn hard to myself, I make me suffer. I could just accept people as they are. I know it doesnt make me one of them nor I have to try out. Well.. the excessive requirements have built an unreal system.

Cristal infection

I feel so tired. Some infection appeared in my skin and I am getting worried... I think it is the contact with my cat. She is always next and has no care about health, so sometimes she may be dirty and infect us with her bacterias. I am most of the time hugging and kissing her, oh my Gosh...
I must sleep.

Bugs in everywhere

The bugs are flying away everywhere. I never saw nor killed so many bugs. They come with the rain. But it is not normal, their habitat certainly is being damaged. It seems a plague. People know them well, it is not just around here. I am so expert on killing them.

At work the new worker is just freaking out everyone. She is not being a good person to be with. I am not liking this situation so I am wishing to get out. Yet, Michely is not being quiet honest as I thought she would. I am damn deceived with the world. People are hardly honest and this is my great point of avoidance.

Beds and goodies and badies

Finally our new beds arrived. Mom and I had bought them last Friday. Wow what a difference can be felt when we enjoy a real suitable bed! This is the first time in my life that I buy my own bed and better it is not a single one but a 'married' type, big enough for my normal stretchings before sleeping. Mom preffered a widow type which is not single nor married, it is in the middle. She is in love with her bed too. Little by little things will get better and better. I hope I can give my mom everything she desires, all her needs. Many times I offered her my bedroom in exchange of hers which is not as big as mine but she preffers being there where there is a tv support inside the wardrob. Today I watched the movie 'Steel Giants', I liked the little child acting, he did a good job! The history is quite previewable but the idea is very original and the focus is quite totally high tech with robots and their incredible artificial intelligence. At work I don't feel good. Lately I have been asked to work with process analisis and I am not enjoying this. Some friends are showing some bad faces... Guess I am still too naivy.

Real moves must to be taken

I am sure he is gonna regreat. We all regreat our bad moves. I just could taste his regreat every moment we were next for the last time. Whatever reason orders, be aware about the essential is harder than doing the eventual, the 'correct' move. Most of people decide to take decisions based on what appears to be and not in what really can be. Most of people has no vision about future and this is the result of their pour perspectives. Afterwards, with this move he show the much I didn't know about him or the side I most avoided to realize. This side really doesn't match with me and if it is taken as a real move, we are safe now.
  At university Thiago keeps freaking me out. The last idea I had to avoid him and all the other pour perspective guided ones was to use the fake caller to simulate calling in scheduled times so that I can leave him quite quickly!
 

When good people appear in our path

There are ones who can forgive you no mater what you do. If you reach someone like that, never leave this one. It worths to learn how to forgive more than not to. There are very good persons which cross our paths maybe in a wrong time... A friend told me that people around me reflect who I am. But I have a friend so much addicted in drugs and I wonder what it has about me? The dependency about useless things? I hope not.... 

Solving troubles

These rainy days only increase my quiet mood. Hoping he is fine. Waiting for the right time. Yesterday the Saturday was really full. I went wih mom around 10am to finish the remaining stuffs from the apartment in Samambaia. After, we went to mom is dentist. While she was being treated I was studing inside the car, recording my voice. Java programmming language, how to serialize objects. After 1 hour she got back and we went home. In the way back home we tried to solve some car problems in a car fixing store and we did it. The rest of the day I studied. Now it is raining so much...

The halves

It is hotmail his mailbox
She can't live without her google docs
He listen trash and death metal
She is more industrial and symphonical
He works with visual programming
She preffers database managing
He has always candies to eat
She buys integral stuffs and centrum indeed
He is from downtown, likes big cities
She is on Sundays at the park running
He plays drums, loves speed
She stretches herself before going to sleep
He watches cartoons and dubbed movies
She likes Kaufman, Almodóvar and Kubrick
He eats rice with beans and pastas
She is met many times at Grande Muralha
He is very patient and funny
She is a total insanely moody
What a complicated couple they may be
However they can increase each other life greatly.

Basic life

Sometimes, driving away I feel myself up to get out and live abroad. To have recognized my own rights in a decent place. To feel respected as an human being, a real life. Life earns respect. Here in Brazil to have our own home is a dream, the dream of having your own home! To dream for a basic right, it is a comedy! We have to dream about social changes, for psychological progress, never dream about material needs, it is so poor... I feel ashamed about this ridiculous situation we live here. Our moral values are so limited, so restrict...

The good season

The pain is a very usual feeling in my life, however sensitivity still reign over me. Both will drive me crazy, If I became unsensitive I would not have pleasures. If I manage my feelings I'll not feel them quite exactly. How can I be sensitive and avoid the pain? A good way of avoiding pain is being balanced emotionally. Being quite. Hoping not to receive but only give. This is a true love. The true love forgive every mistaken pace and is always hoping for the good season. This kind of love I have found only one time in my life and actually the autor is dead now.

Rememberings falling from the sky

A hard day. Still I wass suffering for the urinarian infection, since yesterday. I woke up thinking it had passed, I've drunk a lot of water... however it was still here when I woke up today. So I moved to Hospital and waited a looong time to have a prescription of the antibiotic I had to take. When gettin back it was raining so much that I couldn't avoid the thinking about a very precious person in my life. That's why I sent him a sms (viber) wondering if he could remember me too. He seems quiet and yet very cautelous as always and as I really have been missing. When I got back home, there was my belod family playin' with Julia, my niece, my brother, his wife and my cousin X and mom. We had a good time together and now they are gone. I must study a lot now! I just feel asleep...

New home

I think life is just undescribly unique. Nowadays time is being better enjoyed. I moved to a better place and so everything around has changed. Moreover, I received last Sunday a wonderful gift, a little angora cat which I called Cristal. However, I feel pressed by university and latelly my work. I had some way of expressing my tension that had to change...

Divagações sobre o Mahabarata

Segundo o Bhagavad Gita, um dos cânticos do Mahabarata, é necessário se libertar de tudo o que estamos apegados. É necessário desprender-se, logicamente, para libertar-se. Eu me encantei com este livro e recomendo a quem gosta de refletir sobre a existência humana.